Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
