Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.