We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
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I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.