8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.