epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..