hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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