I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.