my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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