so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
