That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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