I'm sorry my penis didn't work
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
