I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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