She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
