I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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