He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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