I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
