I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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