He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You may now shotgun with the bride
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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