I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
