I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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