just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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