Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
