Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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