Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
