porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
