I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize