i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We just shotgunned beers for America
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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