New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
