No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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