I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
