the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
