Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is my gift to your gina
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
