Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize