I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
