She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
