Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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