So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
