Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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