You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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