HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
