our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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