If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
