so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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