I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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