i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
