As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize