so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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