piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
