woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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