I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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