she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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