This house was built for laser tag.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
