Pappa wants mamma naked
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
