I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
