You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
