I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
