I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
