ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
