i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ok first of all what the fuck
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
