i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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