And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
