i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
