i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
