OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
