I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
