Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
